NARCiSSiSTiC ABUSE
Online since
2002 |
THE
JOY OF EX : Freedom from relationship tyranny,
control and manipulation.
Not sure if he or she is
a narcissist or just a jerk?
When you are
manipulated or treated badly,
labels are less important than knowing
that
something needs to change. However, you
can't change anyone else but changing your
thoughts
and actions is under your
control
and something
you can
do.
You
have
options, but turning a jerk,
sociopath, psychopath, or narcissist into
prince charming isn't one of them.
If the abuse is wearing you
down, plan your exit.
If you aren't
certain you can do so, pat yourself
on the back for getting this far. The future may
be bumpy, but if you think things
through and
keep emotions under control, don't rush or make
rash
decisions, you can do
it.
TIP: When leaving,
don't
enrage and don't engage. Stay calm; now is not the time to push
buttons or get revenge.
|
 consultant, coach, author,
speaker, Ann Bradley, M.A.
Helping you help yourself with information, planning, consulting, goal
setting for relationship issues
The Basics
Narcissism is categorized as a
personality disorder by the mental health profession. It is
referred to as NPD or Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Few are
ever diagnosed because few go to therapy. Narcissism is not high
self-esteem, but a condition where the typical narcissist suffers from
- Preoccupation with hiding real or perceived flaws
- Overestimation of importance, achievements, talents
and skills
- Maladaptive attention seeking behavior
- Inability to empathize with others
- Excessive anger and shame in response to criticism often
resulting in rage
The narcissist will often manipulate
others, especially partners, to control them. Projection
and
blame are hallmarks of this manipulation. It is estimated that
85% of narcissists are males. This site respects all victims of
emotional abuse, both male and female.
The Bottom Line With a Narcissist
Because
living with a narcissist can be extremely painful, it is important to
understand
- You are not to blame
- Narcissists ensnare everyone
- Learning how to leave is important
- Rebuilding a life takes courage but you can do it
- There are plenty of people to help you, but it may not be
your family or friends
- Information can be your ally to learn you are not alone
- It will take time to heal
How You Got Here and How
To Not Make the Same Mistake
You do not have to be the
victim of narcissism (narcissistic personality disorder) forever.
You
don't have to lose your confidence, hope and passion for life because
you are in a relationship with a narcissist. This experience can be a
catalyst for growth and self respect and learning how to cope with
difficult events and circumstances. You can learn the skills to
move beyond.
If you aren't
sure why you picked an abuser or how you got yourself in this position,
you will feel better if you learn why. Understanding this can be
a relief, and help you now and
in the future.
Knowing the characteristics can help you so
you never are involved, ever again, in a toxic relationship. Find
out
what the research says and how this can help you. When you
understand you will find this will help you
become happier, more self assured and you will not blame yourself, but
will make good decisions and have good relationships. This is a
superb and enlightening introduction to why people choose what they do
and what it means and how to deal with it.
Find Out
Here
TIP:
Don't enrage the
narcissist in your life. He or she will make you pay. Stay calm
and plan your exit. Don't give in to 'letting it all out'.
Narcissists don't forget and they like revenge. Your 'outing' of him or
her adds to his narcissistic injury. A narcissist needs to look
good in front of others and you gain nothing by proving he is not the
best, smartest, wealthiest, most capable person he wants tobe seen as.
You have a right to a life without fear,
anger, betrayal and put downs. The part of what makes someone a victim
of narcissistic abuse is not cast in stone. Flexibility is at the core
of human life and the ability to reinvent one's self can be tapped into
to leave the abusive situation.
Sign up for iconic and always interesting
newsletter with research,
stories, articles of interest and more.
Life
isn't always fair, but it can be good. I wrote this guide for
women who want a good life and who want to make peace with their past
so the future will be good, and want to laugh again. Embrace the joy,
it's yours for the taking:
POWER GUIDE FOR WOMEN
Your Exit Strategy - A Most Important Event
If you are thinking of
leaving your partner you need a plan. People are
sometimes so anxious to get out they rush into exiting the
relationship without a strategy. This is not the way to do it with a
narcissist.
If married, a divorce without a plan could mean
you end up losing custody or a home. Ask yourself, "What is my
goal and how am I going to
get there?" And then factor in that this is a narcissist and
understand things are done
differently with a narcissist.
For
important information on divorce see DIVORCE and LAWYERS click
here
|
TIP: You do not have to remain the victim of a
narcissistic parent and you can choose to set boundaries to keep them
from bothering you in your adult life.
Consultations
Phone
Consultation with follow up
email.
Stay or go decisions
Pre-divorce plan
How to talk to your narcissist
How to leave
Talking to a narcissist
Children and the narcissistic parent
Divorcing a narcissist
Self-esteem issues
CONSULTATION: Click
Here
I cannot answer all the questions sent to me, though I wish I
could. So, I also offer email consultations for $50.00. Click
Here
Ann
Bradley
Univ. of Pennsylvania, Antioch, Stanford University
"Ann
- You helped me be calm in the midst of this divorce storm.
You worked so
hard for me, your ideas changed how we did things and made all the
difference. Thank you, thank you!" J.B.
"If
I hadn't read
this site and talked to you, I would never, ever have had the calm and
courage to deal with this. You walked me through with a plan and
a smile and had faith in me when no one else did, especially me." K.R.
LIFE
AFTER...MOVING TO HAPPY
You Have Many Possible Futures
Which One Will You Choose?
Your Fault? NO!
You
may have been told for so long that everything was your fault,
can't do anything right, you're not smart, and so
all of a
sudden, you don't know your strengths and the things that are right,
and good, and healthy about you.
Try
this: you identified an
abnormal relationship and you took action. That meant you used certain
character strengths - you used wisdom and perseverance.
You nurtured your children; that means you have the capacity to love
and be loved. You aren't dumb and it isn't your fault and I want
you to get back in the game of life now! So jump in and read my
outrageously named book on the site I put up...because I wanted to! and
I wanted to call it dumb blonde and I did.
A
Quick Fun, Easy to Read Get
Back on Track Book
and Choose one of Your Many Possible Futures!
This
is a fun to read
self help guide will make you laugh, encourage you,
and
help you get back on the road
to happiness again. Find out why dumb blondes aren't and how to
find fun and go places without an abuser hanging around!
Go
ahead...see
what you can do, who you can be!
A LITTLE GUIDE FOR
BIG GIRLS: A One Hour Fast Track Guide to Do-Overs CLICK HERE
|
"This book is a blessing. Organized,
thoughtful and full of pain and how to deal with it, I salute you for
telling us your story and analyzing the "divorce industry" as you call
it. You have saved my daughter thousands, she learned what to say in
court, and best of all she got custody."
If you want to a book on
divorce which is a guidebook and
my story and how to plan for a difficult divorce: Divorcing A
Narcissist: The Book |
IF
YOU ARE READY TO:
- Live
Without A Toxic Partner,
- Learn
the Steps To Take Before You Say You Are Leaving,
- Learn
How To
Make Your Next Relationship a Good One (what red flags to look for)
- Re-engage
With Life after Divorce
THEN YOU
ARE READY TO LEARN
what to do
how to do it
when to do it
HOW
TO LEAVE
If
narcissistic
personality disorder or other emotional abusers are
ruining your life, take action. The narcissist does not get better, but
you can. Many people are both afraid to leave and afraid to stay
thinking they are alone and nothing can be done.
Often,
upscale abusers are
perceived as being able to buy their way
out, leaving the abused feeling completely powerless.
Learned
helplessness means
you think you have no
power to change a situation.
It leads to depression. IT IS NOT PERMANENT. You have
the ability
to
change yourself, your beliefs and a bad situation. You can
UNlearn the feeling of helplessness.
Action is the antidote to
depression.
Life can be
good
again. In fact, the more you act
positively, the more your brain changes.
YOUR STORY:
SPEAK UP AND BE HEARD
Tell the world!
If you ever felt your
voice was drowned out and no one is listening to
you and
that your story is important and needs to be told, I
strongly recommend doing something about it. You can write and
make money. See what others have done. You can do it too. People
like yourself write me with great insight. This should be shared. Why
not make money while you are helping others?
How To
Be Heard!
| Ann,
you have touched and positively
healed so
many deeply injured people and that certainly includes me. You
have
been my lifeline a million times, I have felt understood by you and not
alone, you have educated and encouraged me, I have learned from you
that I am not crazy, just badly traumatized including physically by the
relentless domestic and legal aggression and the losses I have
absorbed. Oh, Ann, you have helped
me fight
off a terrible sense of humiliation, shame and guilt.. And for being
fatigued and sick and weepy. You are part of my clawing my way back
up....E.K. |
...and
the day came when
the risk
to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to
blossom.
-- Anais Nin
And
More....
Go here and find
the rest of this site. It's chock full of
Information
on identifying a narcissist, divorcing a narcissist, choosing the right
attorney for this
situation, and custody information specific to difficult divorce
situations.
Identifying
red flags in
relationships so you don't make the same
mistake again. Ever wonder why you choose the same bad partner over and
over again? You can break free of this cycle and kiss abuse good-bye
forever!
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