NARCiSSiSTiC  ABUSE
                                                                                           Online since 2002                                                    

                                                                                                                                                                      

                          THE JOY OF EX : Leaving behind relationships that make you feel bad.
                               Freedom from relationship tyranny, control and manipulation.

                                      Not sure if someone is a narcissist?  Or just a jerk?
When you are manipulated or treated badly, labels are less important than
getting help and understanding that change needs to happen.  However,
changing someone else is not what you can do, but changing your thoughts
and actions is under your control and something you can do. 

You have options, but turning a jerk, sociopath, narcissist, or abuser into
prince charming isn't one of them.  If the abuse is wearing you down, take
time to learn how to leave and plan your exit.  If you aren't confident that
you can do so, take a moment and pat yourself on the back for getting this
far. Using that character strength that got you here, grab a hold and take it
with you on the next step to the life you deserve.  It may be bumpy, but if you
think things through and keep emotions  under control, and don't rush and
make rash decisions, you can do it. 
TIP:  When leaving, don't enrage and don't engage.  Stay calm; now is
not the time to push buttons or get  revenge.


consultant, coach, author, speaker, Ann Bradley, M.A.
ABOUT YOU
 ABOUT  ME
 POWER GUIDE for Women
 CHARACTERISTICS of the  NARCISSIST VICTIM VERBAL ABUSE

                                       



                                           
                                                          The Basics

Narcissism is categorized as a personality disorder by the mental health profession.  It is referred to as NPD or Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  Few are ever diagnosed because few go to therapy.   Narcissism is not high self-esteem, but a condition where the typical narcissist suffers from
  • Preoccupation with hiding real or perceived flaws
  • Overestimation of  importance, achievements, talents and skills
  • Maladaptive attention seeking behavior
  • Inability to empathize with others
  • Excessive anger and shame in response to criticism often resulting in rage
The narcissist will often manipulate others, especially partners,  to control them.  Projection and blame are hallmarks of this manipulation.  It is estimated that 85% of narcissists are males. This site respects all victims of emotional abuse, both male and female.

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The Bottom Line With a Narcissist

Because living with a narcissist can be extremely painful, it is important to understand
  • You are not to blame
  • Narcissists ensnare everyone
  • Learning how to leave is important
  • Rebuilding a life takes courage but you can do it
  • There are plenty of people to help you, but it may not be your family or friends
  • Information can be your ally to learn you are not alone
  • It will take time to heal

 

You do not have to be the victim of narcissism (narcissistic personality disorder) forever.  You don't have to lose your confidence, hope and passion for life because you are in a relationship with a narcissist. This experience can be a catalyst for growth and self respect and learning how to cope with difficult events and circumstances.  You can learn the skills to move beyond. 

TIP: Don't enrage the narcissist in your life. He or she will make you pay.  Stay calm and plan your exit.  Don't give in to 'letting it all out'.  Narcissists don't forget and they like revenge.

 




You have a right to a life without fear, anger, betrayal and put downs. The part of what makes someone a victim of narcissistic abuse is not cast in stone. Flexibility is at the core of human life and the ability to reinvent one's self can be tapped into to leave the abusive situation.





          Your Exit Strategy - A Most Important Event

If you are thinking of leaving your partner you need a plan.  People are sometimes so anxious to get out they rush into exiting the relationship without a strategy. This is not the way to do it with a narcissist. 

If married, a divorce without a plan could mean you end up losing custody or a home.  Ask yourself, "What is my goal and how am I going to get there?"  And then factor in that this is a narcissist and understand things are done differently with a narcissist.

                                       
         TIP:   You do not have to remain the victim of a narcissistic parent and you can choose to set boundaries to keep them from bothering you in your adult life.                  
                                         
 

  
                        LIFE AFTER...MOVING TO HAPPY

                             You Have Many Possible Futures

                               Which One Will You Choose?

 I feel so sad when I get emails from people who have ended the relationship and feel adrift, lost and without hope.  This is understandable.  Healing takes time, but  traditional therapy often fails.  People end up with no goals, often drained and tired, still suffering from the abuse.  Don't fall in to the sinkhole of despair. They tell me they are so dumb!  No, no, you are not dumb.

                                         Your Fault?      Oh, NO!

You may have been told for so long that everything was your fault, you can't do anything right, you're not smart, and so all of a sudden, you don't know your strengths and the things that are right, and good, and healthy about you. 

Try this:  you identified an abnormal relationship and you took action. That meant you used certain character strengths - you used wisdom and  perseverance.  You nurtured your children; that means you have the capacity to love and be loved.  You aren't dumb and it isn't your fault and I want you to get back in the game of life now! So jump in and read my outrageously named book on the site I put up...because I wanted to! and I wanted to call it dumb blonde and I did.

              A Quick Fun, Easy to Read Get Back on Track Book and Choose one of Your Many Possible Futures!

This is a fun to read self help guide will make you laugh, encourage you,  and help you get back on the road to happiness again.  Find out why dumb blondes aren't and how to find fun and go places without an abuser hanging around!

Go ahead...see what you can do, who you can be!

 The (Not So) Dumb Blonde's Instructional  Manual for a Good Life. 
If you want to a book on divorce which is a  guidebook and my story and how to plan for a  difficult divorce:  Divorcing A Narcissist: The Book
                               

IF YOU ARE READY TO:

  • Live Without  A Toxic  Partner,
  • Learn the Steps To Take Before You Say You Are Leaving,
  • Learn How To Make Your Next Relationship a Good One (what red flags to look for)
  •  Re-engage With Life after Divorce
THEN YOU ARE READY TO LEARN
what to do
how to do it
when to do it
  
HOW TO LEAVE

  If narcissistic personality disorder or other emotional abusers  are ruining your life, take action. The narcissist does not get better, but you can.  Many people are both afraid to leave and afraid to stay thinking they are alone and nothing can be done. 

Often, upscale abusers are perceived as being able to buy their way out,  leaving the abused  feeling completely powerless.  Learned helplessness means you think you have no power to change a situation. It leads to depression.  IT IS NOT  PERMANENT.  You have the ability to change yourself, your beliefs and a bad situation.  You can UNlearn the feeling of helplessness.

Action is the antidote to depression.

Life can be good again. In fact, the more you act positively, the more your brain changes.

YOUR STORY:  SPEAK UP AND BE HEARD

 Tell the world!

If you ever felt your voice was drowned out and no one is listening to you and  that your story is important  and needs to be told,  I strongly recommend doing something about it.  You can write and make money.  See what others have done. You can do it too. People like yourself write me with great insight. This should be shared. Why not make money while you are helping others?
 How To Be  Heard!

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Ann, you have touched and positively healed  so many deeply injured people and that certainly includes me.  You have been my lifeline a million times, I have felt understood by you and not alone, you have educated and encouraged me, I have learned from you that I am not crazy, just badly traumatized including physically by the relentless domestic and legal aggression and the losses I have absorbed. Oh, Ann, you have helped me fight off a terrible sense of humiliation, shame and guilt.. And for being fatigued and sick and weepy. You are part of my clawing my way back up....E.K.

...and the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.  -- Anais Nin


          
                                        

And More....

Go here and find the rest of this site. It's chock full of

Information on identifying a narcissist, divorcing a narcissist, choosing the right attorney for this situation, and custody information specific to difficult divorce situations.

Identifying red flags in relationships so you don't make the same mistake again. Ever wonder why you choose the same bad partner over and over again? You can break free of this cycle and kiss abuse good-bye forever!

                                                        
                                                                                                                       BOOKSTORE   

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THE EBOOK ....that takes you through my divorce with a narcissist.  Startling description of fraud, tax evasion, emotional abuse, survival techniques and a look at the legal system.

 DIVORCE: The Real Truth, The Hidden Dangers, Surviving Deception, Betrayal and Narcissism 

If you want to see what divorcing a narcissist is like, this personal journey will show you why you need to prepare, plan and get help.  Add To Cart




Understand yourself, the narcissist in your life and what it means. Knowledge is power. This site is always a work in progress. Today is June 2008.