The Smartest Advice is Often From a Peer and Not a Lawyer When Divorcing a Narcissist
People send me information, tips and tricks to share with others because it has worked for them.
Here’s an email from a woman whose husband wanted her “to live by the side of the road”. (How many times do we hear a version of this? Too many.) Her list is full of good info, common sense and is easily do-able. This is about record keeping and being organized in paperwork as well as your thoughts and actions.
Time and again I see organization carry the day. You may not like it but it needs to be done.
- Do not assume that your lawyer is “taking care of everything”. Keep good records. A notebook is the best way to keep all legal filings. If you are not sure what has been filed, you can look on-line. You only need to know your Cause Number. They are public records.
- Keep track of all receipts, phone calls, and texts. (convert texts to notes and email to your self). Take notes of all phone conversations. Date and keep in your notebook.
- Before your lawyer files a motion, make sure you are picking your battles. The judge will side with the most reasonable and “sane” acting partner.
- Try to get a time-line from your attorney. I wish I had done this. Maybe, we would not have wasted so much time “waiting” for something to happen.
- Be pro-active. Learn the family laws that affect you in your state. Ask your lawyer questions if you feel like there is something that hasn’t been addressed.
- Take charge of your own destiny. Write down what you see yourself doing, and having at the end of the divorce:
- Do you want to be living in the same home if that is a possibiltiy? Will you need to obtain a different employment situation as I did after being a stay-at-home mom for many years.
- Get up to speed in your area of expertise. I am an RN, but needed to acquire additional training to be marketable.
- Network with other women in your field. This is one of the best ways to get into a job situation that is rewarding and suits your experience and education.
- My story: Divorce in Silicon Valley with Jerks and Narcissists: Divorce and Lawyers