When someone thinks they know everything about you – and they get it all wrong it creates some cognitive dissonance. I read this and think, “Who is this? Who thinks like this?”
A while ago a reader wrote a review on Amazon of my book on divorce. He or she said:
Do You Want to Poke Your Eyes Out? Read This Book and You Will
Wow, I can’t be more forward about my review except to say this book is a soap opera on a train to hell. Certainly I feel for the author, but my god if I were her I’d have moved across the country to the back woods and changed my name long ago to escape such a mess. Not really helpful unless you’re a high-profile cat -scratch fighting kind of person. Yikes.
About a year after it was written I responded:
Hi! I didn’t end up in hell – went through it and got to the other side. Never have found running to be the answer. Post traumatic growth is real and I do encourage people to understand that – it brings hope. The ex and I worked out the money judgment on our own and with the interest, it isn’t a bad deal. I see him on occasion, our son is fine and busy with his post college life and work. Come see what I am doing now – gone back to my technology roots and write about start ups: www.TheSiliconValleystory – Life is good, I work with others going through these kinds of divorces as well as writing the tech blog, and hope that my version of how to get through hell is more valuable than running for the hills unless of course the hills are where you want to be. Then, go! And enjoy!
My ex husband managed to achieve the ultimate goal”I am disabled,from trauma”lost my children,this was in 2010,
Out of seven of them they all saw me as much as he would allow even though i raised them ALONE,one with Down Syndrome. I love so very much! Is the daughter i am not allowed to see!She has been kept from me for four years now.
Her father was able to convince the court in this small rural town that i was unfit,and YES”by the end of twenty five to thirty years of emotional,physiological,physical,mental,verbal abuse,and finally my sons suicide”! I became (detached) dissociated! During family courtI wasn’t diagnosed yet but talk about humiliated,embarrassed ,made out to be a drug addict”,I was literally”battered during the hearing.
I am trying to recover from all this trauma today. I had no money,public defender,and (HE) a state job”had money and an excellent lawyer.By the time he was done with me,both him and his lawyer” I was homeless,childless,finally,suicidal” I crawled to my mothers house in another state,leaving my seven children behind.I went to domestic violence a few years before this for help. My ex husband ,very manipulative,intelligent,knew the law etc..And me””A mothers emotions,losing my son!!Losing custody,especially,my little girl,She needed me!She needs me now!I have no money for an attorney” Now she is twenty one,i cant file for visitation rights or anything,My ex exploits her,tells people that (I) choose not to see her”He has battered me with each and every phone call i ever made to him for a visit with her!He belittles me,questions my relations with others,mocks me ,and so on,my counselor suggested that i stop calling him for visits with my daughter because he abuses me.Well i thought since she is a mandated reporter,and he is neglecting my daughter and her basic needs(RIGHTS) that SHE could help me! Its been over a year now! I ran around this county in tears “asking for help”only to be let down or disappointed again,My desperation and anxiety,fears,trauma-reactions to his neglect and my pain has led me in a state of numbness,As I also have severe ADHD,with all this and no family or support in New York”I have been arrested “twice,for my impulsive ,behaviors,The last time i saw my little girl”was July 27 2013,All her x-mas and birthday gifts,are hear wrapped,I went to adult protective twice!The first time”they said “shes fine”Hes good to her!I knew that”He has money,a beautiful house”six bedrooms” I lostthe children and I had to give him the house after my divorce in 2002″ I was a stay at home mom”with seven children”how could i afford it.My ex was single in that big house,He kept it,narcissistic,ego,etc..I need help!I contacted OPWDD”months ago,I have a feeling that they were told “I am unstable”I have NO support,No legal help”what so ever,My daughter is afraid to mention my name,or tell how it really is.My other adult children said her father gives her that stare”when the name MOM is mentioned”that was a year ago” Now she probably doesn’t even say she misses me”He told her back then “that mom is a bad influence!I cant even imagine,by now,what she thinks or doesnt!My heart is BROKEN”I I feel as though i lost her four years ago!Right after court back then”I didn’t see her as ordered!He”used her as a tool to punish me for all these years !I dont have the means,and im losing strength!! PLEASE advise me,or suggest something”thank you,This site is my support,my friend
Such abuse is sad. I am so sorry to read of this. You are not however, alone. Manipulative men (and women) have been using the legal system to get what they want for a long time. Protective parent is the term used for moms in your situation and there are women and groups fighting for rights of protective parents. Google the phrase.
I’ve begun a search for you – this is a good beginning to see there are others, there is help and you will find help with them. Please visit all these pages and get to know the help you will find there. The support network is large and productive. Use it, for yourself, your kids, your future and for other moms like you.
Here’s a page on family court abuse you might like to see: http://www.centerforjudicialexcellence.org/cje-projects-initiatives/kids-of-divorce-speak-out/
Here is protective parents coalition http://www.ppcforchange.com
And one more: http://cryingoutforjustice.com/2013/10/21/child-custody-battles-links-that-might-be-helpful-for-protective-parents/
Hi my name is david. I am currently getting a divorce from my second wife who has this evil disorder. This woman was so abusive and manipulating she actually tried to have me killed and got away with it she has a son in prison for murder and another one that is very abusive to his wife. When I stood up to this family they turned on me like a pack of wolves. People like this are very dangerous. My heart and prayers go out to all the women that are victims of this type of abuse. If I would have been a woman in the situation I’m in now I am positive that they would have killed me. They leave me alone now only because I own my own place and keep myself armed. If knowing I will indeed protect my self scares hell out of them then good these types of abuser need to be exposed. God bless you all .
Thank you from everyone here. And keep on taking care of yourself. Be well, Ann