The Alchemy of Failure Teaches Us How Not to Be a Doormat

It is really easy to feel like a doormat in a relationship with a narcissist. My alchemy came as an unexpected gift from my narcissist.

Problems, failures and disappointments, when put into the proper perspective, make alchemists of us all.

Failure is always with us; a constant.Success, optimism, reframing, gratitude, resiliency – all of these exist because we fail or are failures and we need to know how to deal with them. If the fact that life is a series of failures sounds depressing, I urge you to reframe that thought.Resiliency is a major topic in positive psychology. Something did not work out and we have to bounce back. Something failed – a process, a marriage, a trial, a child in school, a science experiment, a product design. Somewhere someone, or something, failed. Carefully crafted hopes are crushed, dreams broken, plans stopped.
We can become our own failure analysts, learning from the failures, and building stronger and wiser next time.

Where Will He Be 20 Years From Now?Years ago I rented a studio in back of the house to someone from England. He had a business plan, so he rented an office. This was Silicon Valley and new technology starts here, doesn’t it?His idea was a great one: a portable music device. But his idea depended on licensing music, individually. It couldn’t be done. Except, that it could, just not by him. He returned to England. Soon thereafter, the iPod hit the market. It was his idea, but done by Steve Jobs. Is this man a failure? Oh, yes, he failed to build a prototype, think through all the problems, and he let his enthusiasm for the idea carry him all the way into a high rent office on University Ave before he was ready.
Will he succeed? Time will tell if he looks at this as, “Steve Jobs and I came up with the same idea!” or, “I can’t compete with a world full of people like Steve Jobs.” Identify yourself as one with brilliant ideas and learn from experience, or decide you can’t make it because the competition is too fierce – the choice is where optimism meets failure. The intersection is where the future lies.

My Big Fat Life FailuresI am a bundle of failures.My story is one failure after another.
“….yes I said yes I will Yes.” – Molly Bloom, Ulysses

I put this quote out where I can read it. It reminds me to say yes to choices, intuition, kids, ourselves, to give permission for something, to make mistakes, to be a failure and to be a success. Yes to speaking my mind, having voice and giving it to others. Yes, it says to me, I will do this, yes, there are risks, yes, I am a risk taker, yes I will go forth yes I will be hurt and yes I will be loved for the same thing I will be hated for. Yes, I am. Yes.

No is for special occasions: “No, I am not a doormat. No, you may not abuse me, steal from me and lie about me.” Yes, I mean that.

Ann Bradley

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