Divorcing a narcissist is hardball divorce. S/he will push every button, attack on every front and disregard the truth. Get inside their head. Get inside a bad divorce with someone who got out and won and shares how it’s done.
A book that takes you into the legal system with a narcissist and his lawyer and guides you out again with insight and real life experience. It isn’t pretty but it is real and honest.
Dear Ms. Bradley,
Just wanted you to know that after reading countless divorce books, your book has resonated with me to a degree that astonishes. I now realize that my husband is truly a narcissist. I had often read about this characteristic but thought that he was simply an abusive type, but no longer.
“THANKS, Ann, for sharing your story and insights into family lawyers. Your story, the interviews and your courage helped me not give up. And to plan – just as you said to do. I learned about lawyers and their tricks from you.” Palo Alto, CA litigant
How Bad Can Your Spouse’s Lawyer Make the Divorce?
Very, very bad.
Add a pit bull lawyer to a narcissist and you have trouble.
Learn what can happen to you.
“The narcissist makes a divorce a battleground and you are the enemy.”
Are you unsure of what divorcing a narcissist is really like?
Do you worry your spouse is going to lie to the court?
Do you wonder if you might lose everything tha matters including custody?
Keep reading, because . . .
You’re About to Uncover the REAL Reason
Why You’re Going Around in Circles
Divorce is a huge industry. This book explores what that means to you.
Preparation is the best thing you can do to protect yourself. Learn what the legal system can do and how to protect yourself.
DIVORCE: THE REAL TRUTH, THE HIDDEN DANGER, Surviving Deception, Betrayal and Narcissism
This is my story of an out of control divorce that never should have happened and how I survived some of the worst things one human can do to another.
Divorce is not like death, we have no ceremonies to comfort those who have been wrenched from normal lives and everyday activities and thrown into a process so out of control it is a wonder we do not rebel. Except for the bone numbing fatigue, I suspect divorced men and women would storm the halls of lawyer’s offices and change would happen in a New York second. But we are exhausted, told to move on because the lawyers want new retainers, new cases, and new faces. They are as tired of our fighting as we are, even when the money is good.
This is not a do-it-yourself book. It is a guide to who and what really controls the divorce process and what you can do to stop them from taking away your right to divorce with dignity. It is also my story because divorce is based on stories and I learned my lessons from my own divorce in Silicon Valley.
I use the lawyers and the lessons as a foundation for this book. When I filed I had no idea my spouse was hiding income and had been for years. We began negotiating (he said, “I have papers I want kept out of court”), but this ended when his attorney called me and said. “I don’t like the way you are telling me to run this case” although it was my husband who wanted to keep him in the background.
Kick a dog long enough and he gets angry. Lie to your spouse, cheat her out of money, verbally abuse her and eventually she will say, “Enough.”
Add the lawyers saying, “get over it, let it go, it’s only money” and people will get very very angry. Show me a lawyer that will let you not pay his bill and see if they think “it’s only money.” Tell him to get on with his life and see him raise up in horror and say, “I have spent all this time on your case, you WILL pay me.”
But this isn’t only money, it is dignity, children, houses, and photo albums. It isn’t only a woman’s problem, it is a man’s problem. Divorce is everyone’s problem.
“I’ll hit her over the head with a 2×4” That was my introduction to Palo Alto divorce attorney, Jeff Kaufman.
Then he defrauded the court. He wasn’t expecting one thing: me.
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Survive Dysfunctional Divorce with REAL Stories
From Ground Zero of Divorce!
My Divorce Went To Trial and the Court of Appeals
The divorce industry is a $40 billion industry and divorce lawyers and others make their money by prolonging the process (“churning the case”), increasing hostilities, and hiring “experts” who know more about taking your money than anything else.
Women and Divorce
Many women from this generation are socialized to be “nice”. Part of this socialization means that you trust what people tell you, look out for others before yourself, and give when asked. You are naive. The attorneys know this and so does your spouse.
What Do You Know?
Are you vulnerable to lies? Do you know what tactics lawyers use? Do you know what the “mommy tax” is? Is your divorce high conflictor stalking through the legal system? Why do narcissists keep on fighting? Why did a Professor of Psychology write a book called Whores of The Court’ and what does this have to do with your divorce?
“I was ripe for attack in the divorce process. Put this together with a narcissist and his narcissistic lawyer and the war was on. I survived by wearing a metaphorical badge called “Target”. I wore this to remind myself I really was targeted and not insane.
“Although my husband had told me hid assets and I had the evidence, we ended up at trial. His lawyer was a typical “scorched earth policy” divorce attorney. Dirty tactics in divorce? You bet.”
Men and Divorce
I’ve been accused of being against men. Nothing is further from the truth. I am against abuse. I have male friends and clients who have chilling stories, horrifying tales. I have written about them in my newsletter, I have talked to them on the phone and I want men to be as aware as any woman of what landmines lie ahead in divorce. Men or women, both are vulnerable to attorneys that manipulate emotions to increase fees. Remember, a quick divorce is not income producing. And when they run through your money, you may have nothing left: not even your children.
An attorney who was himself getting divorced (male) bought my book and said, “I can relate to your story Ann. It’s me all over – the fraud, the lack of funds, the depth of the attacks and the attorneys that made it worse.”
Divorcing a narcissist makes every problem worse.
Their sense of entitlement is endless and you will be maligned and disparaged. In their mind, you are worthless and deserve nothing.
[highlight] “The narcissist makes a divorce a battleground and you are the enemy.” [/highlight]
My experience, intellect and education were useless in this fight. They were a liability. Good girls from private Quaker schools and Ivy colleges are not trained for combat. I had to learn that the name of the game is “indifference, winning and dirty tactics.”
If I could have read a story like this, I would not have wasted time, “explaining, asking, telling.”
IF I KNEW NOW WHAT I KNEW THEN I WOULD DO IT DIFFERENTLY.
READ THIS SO YOU DON’T EVER HAVE TO SAY THAT!
Instant download in pdf. Here it is, story and guidelines, psychology and information.
Totally printable. $24.95 for information you need to know BEFORE you file. Secure server. Get it instantly!
I’m not that much of a internet reader to be honest but your blogs really nice, keep
it up! I’ll go ahead and bookmark your website to come back later. All the best
Thank for teaching me and opening my eyes to understand about divorcing a narcissist!
I relate to your writings in your book as if you are telling about my divorce. You bring out about our dignity is taken away from us with all of other hurtful thing they force us to give up.
My husband is an Iranian Silicon Valley executive with multiple partners and is a very wealthy man and he developed softwares for transportation, banking, aviation industry, medication delivery systems and more.
After divorce started he hired a bulldog lawyer and moved to Florida with help of one of his girlfriends.
He cleaned out all of our bank account and basically left me to die. Friday before he left he asked me to sign everything we have in a trust fund to his nephew since we have no children.
At first I said ok, but after speaking to my sister, I realized my life could be in danger so I refused to do that. And then he said, I will put you in street to die you will see, all of these years I stayed with you despite my mother’s wishes and now you do not sign this document that I asked you?
I always lived with fear of his brother who savagely murdered a 15 years old boy in Shiraz, Iran which is a cold case back in 1976. His uncle was Chief of police at that time and they got away from this murder. My husband’s brother is very violent and after he murdered that boy in Shiraz, Iran the whole family moved here and they got their green card for religious freedom , but actuality they run away to US for the murder of that boy who was murdered by repeatedly being hit to his head with big piece of wood.
My husband has is a narcissist and has a lawyer who is lawyer to Hollywood celebrity and is a very cruel man. His lawyer lies so much and change everything and misguided the court.
My husband started many companies and one is in the name of his sister and worth $ 197,000,000 and many more companies in US and abroad.
I lost hope with court system. Who ever has the better lawyer and more money will control everything by luring and manipulating their way.
Judges also do not care since this is all explained to the judges by these fancy calculating dishonest lawyers who know how to help these narcistic client of theirs!
Thank you for opening our eyes about how court systems work.
Oh my – I wish we had talked before you when through this. Fraud has no statute of limitations in divorce and you can always report his lawyer to the state bar. I have done this many times and it changes things dramatically when opposing counsel thinks he may lose his license and knows he is being watched. I won against a Santa Clara County lawyer – and my review of him is on YELP. Just google Jeffrey Kaufman, Palo Alto and my Yelp review comes up second. I reported him to the state bar twice.
You could find another lawyer – there are lawyers who can help – and since there is case law about the economic reality of wealthy spouses and fraud, this is a possibility. I do however understand fear of the family – danger indeed.
It is never too late to report opposing counsel to the bar, attach a cc to the judge and whoever else you want – I have done this. Works very well. I got 95K zeroed out for a Hollywood actress when her own lawyer turned out to be awful and unethical.
Many thanks for your kind words. So, so sorry you had to go through all this.
But we survive and thrive and so will you. Best, Ann
Thank you for revealing your feelings and opening your heart to me. It really meant a lot to me at this time. I would love to meet you and get inspired to merge out stronger to go through my divorce.
Hi – If you are in Santa Clara County I can get someone to talk to you. Email me if you wish and I will tell you about him. My name at gmail